New Dad Questions How to Build Self-Esteem

Dear Meri,

I've just become a new Dad and  I'd really like to raise my child to have a positive self-esteem. My Dad was very critical of me and I grew up questioning myself a great deal. What is the best way for me to accomplish this goal?

—A concerned Dad

Dear concerned Dad,

It is wonderful that you care about raising your child to feel good about himself. When children have a positive self-esteem they feel better in life. Every parent brings his history to the job and an issue that was hard in childhood will naturally raise some anxiety fo rthe parent (as this one does for you.) I want to reassure you that you don't have to be a perfect parent to accomplish your goal. There are many steps you can do to contribute to your child having a positive self-esteem.

Smile at your baby often. Your face becomes a mirror of your child's self-worth. When he looks into your adoring face, he will think he's the greatest. As you gently bathe him, snuggle  with him or change his wet clothing to make him more comfortable, you will give him the feeling that he is important. Spend time talking to him, singing to him, or reading to him, and your child will feel that he is special. To a child time=attention=love. Your child then internalizes all these good feelings and concludes that he is valuable.

Praise your baby and his accomplishments frequently, for instance say, “Good job” when he burps, or reaches out and touches his mobile. When he sits or stands for the first time, shout  “Hurray”. Your words will convey that he is capable and foster his self-confidence.  As he grows hang his drawings on the fridge, even if they are only scribbles and he will feel he is appreciated.

Choose your words carefully when you speak to your child. From your own experience you have learned that a parent's words can  powerfully affect a child's self-image. Listen as you speak and step into your child's shoes. This is the best way to determine if you are communicating in a positive way and bolstering his self-esteem. If you feel you've been too negative you can always say, “I'm sorry. Let's start over.”

Over time your positive approaches will become internalized and your child will grow up feeling good about himself.